


Human

by immortalbears



Series: Reading Palahniuk in a coffee shop [3]
Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Aftercare, Anal Sex, Guilt, Light Bondage, M/M, Mild Blood, Orgasm Delay, Past Rape/Non-con, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rape Roleplay, Sex Toys, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Vibrators
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-03
Updated: 2016-10-03
Packaged: 2018-08-19 06:12:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8193278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/immortalbears/pseuds/immortalbears
Summary: Wash considers it a fortune that he's met Felix, for Felix's sexual indulgences allow him to, however temporarily, forget the horrors of his past. However, as Felix promises him greater pleasure in a roleplay / bondage scenario, Wash finds that he's actually not okay. Can Felix offer any insight, since dicking him obviously isn't going to magically heal him?See tags for warnings! This happens after Ch 7 of Reading Palahniuk - you don't have to read that to read this, and you don't need to read this to read that. Though, they're kinda written in sequence, so ...





	

 

**Human (A Vignette)**

 

“Do you need something more tonight?” Felix asked, looking at Wash as he took his clothes off.  
  
Wash watched, mesmerized. Felix always looked so radiant when he was stripping – there was something about the way the other man held himself. He wondered what he looked like as he, too, stripped out of his clothes. “What do you mean?”

“It's like you have something on your mind all night.”

Wash didn't know what to tell Felix. He was afraid – but he was afraid of so many things, that he didn't even know where to begin. Instead, he said, “You look amazing, Felix.”

Felix laughed, and struck a pose as if he was on display. “Thanks.”

Wash wondered, briefly, if that was what Locus would, eventually, see. He felt a pang of loss – though he knew, logically, that he wouldn't lose anything. Felix wasn't his to begin with, and Locus – Locus wasn't even somebody he knew well. It was strange; in the few days that he'd come to get used to Locus and Felix, it was as if he had gotten used to another constant in his life, like having a chair and a a table to sit at, or having a bed to sleep in. He didn't want Locus to reject him, or Felix to forget about him.

“Don't look so sad, Wash.” Felix said, sitting down beside Wash and brushing his hair from his face. Wash stayed still, looking at Felix like he was the only person in the world. “I know just what you need. I brought the toys.”

Wash raised both of his eyebrows in surprise. Felix had a sling bag with him, that he'd deposited by the bed – Wash hadn't thought of what Felix would keep in there. “Toys?”

“We don't have to use them if you don't want to.” Felix shrugged. “I'll show you, okay?”

“Okay.” Wash replied, watching as Felix unpacked. He swallowed when he saw two dildoes, one average and one large, and blinked when he saw the largest vibrating wand that he'd ever laid his eyes on. “That's... intimidating.”

“You don't do size play?” Felix responded, surprised.

“I do.” Wash looked at the dildoes again, wondering if Felix used them, too. “I bought condoms –“

“Yeah, I brought some, too.” Felix took out the condoms, and lay them on the bed.

“Isn't that heavy?” Wash asked, looking at the wand.

“Oh, it is. But believe me, it feels amazing.” Felix beamed. “Here, I'll show you.”

Wash showed Felix the power socket and helped him plug the toy in, swallowing as Felix turned the wand on and it vibrated so hard that he thought he could hear his skull rattle. He was still a little deaf from the club, and everything felt as if it was coming from afar – not an unpleasant sensation, he thought. _I am Jack's numbness to everything._

“So. Wanna try it?”

“Yes, please.” Wash said, looking at Felix as the other man smiled and pressed the wand against his cock. He moaned aloud as Felix turned the switch on. “Stop... This is too much, I'll cum.”

Felix laughed. “Should've brought some cock rings too, then. It's like when I used it for the first time. Came harder than you'd ever expect in like, under thirty seconds.”

“God, that's...” Wash breathed in deeply.

Felix looked at Wash. “I've got ropes, too. Here...”

Wash looked at Felix, wondering. They'd jerked each other off in the back room at the cafe, and Wash had even given Felix a couple of blowjobs. It was like Felix was a sex machine, or something – he had an insatiable appetite, and an incredible ability to make Wash keep wanting more.

 _Either that, or I've been so lonely that I just don't want him to ever stop._ Wash thought, wistfully. He closed his eyes for a moment, and let Felix fondle his crotch, appreciating those skilled and deft fingers on his shaft. He reached for Felix's cock, too, to rub the head with his fingers until it got wet.

 _Am I ready for this?_ He wondered.

“Have you ever been tied up before?” Felix asked, smiling. “You want to tie me up, or be tied up?”

“Do you even like to be tied up?” Wash asked, curious. Felix didn't seem the sort, but anything was possible.

“Maybe.”

Wash thought maybe he shouldn't have expected an actual answer from Felix. He nodded to himself, and said, “I can be tied up, probably. If you want to.”

“That doesn't sound very enthusiastic.” Felix remarked. “Trust me, Wash. I won't do anything you don't want.”

Wash looked away, and then at Felix's eyes. It was true that the other man had never done anything that he would object to. He had no reason to distrust Felix.

“You'll like it – it feels different when you've surrendered, like you can finally forget about the world.” Felix explained, gesturing animatedly. “There's a lot of people out there. You know? They're usually in charge and in control, and sometimes when they're in bed they just want somebody else to take over, so that they can relax. I thought you'd like that.”

Wash nodded. He knew what Felix was talking about; he'd fantasized about it so many times, but ultimately didn't trust anybody to do it. This was the chance that he'd been yearning for. “Okay.”

Felix smiled cheerfully as he took Wash's hands and put them against the bedstand. Wash stayed still, looking up as Felix hovered over him, doing the work.

“Want to be fucked by me, or by this?” Felix asked, pointing at the dildoes.

Wash looked at the larger one, wondering which would make Felix happier. He wasn't ready to take Felix yet, but he wanted to please. “Whichever you want.”

“Alright, here's the deal.” Felix looked at Wash, as he reached to pinch both of his nipples, causing the latter to moan and shudder. “I'll fuck you, but you can't cum. If you're good, I'll push you to your limits... I'll make you cum harder than you ever have, and you'll thank me for it.”

“I... would like that.” Wash's cheeks were red when he said that.

“Good.” Felix kissed Wash on the cheek, and reached down to rub Wash's cock. “If you cum, you'll be left wondering what would happen next, because I'm going to close shop and go to bed. You've got to prove yourself to be worthy of being taken, you understand me?”

Wash wondered if he knew what he was getting into, but the uncertainty made him shiver. “Okay. I won't cum.”

The other man reached for the condom and the lube, preparing himself while Wash looked down curiously. He waited for Felix to be ready, spreading his legs and wiggling his hips until Felix reached below him and squeezed both of his buttcheeks.

“Nngh...” Wash let out a needy little sound.

“God, you're tight.” Felix smirked, reaching to rub Wash's asshole with his lubed up fingers. “You won't be soon. I'll fuck you till you're loose, and then break you.”

The way Felix said it sounded so ominous that Wash's hole twitched as his entire body tensed up. He willed himself to relax again, as Felix's fingers continued to massage the tension away. It felt good, and the skin there was sensitive enough that he'd gotten half-hard from it. He tried to smile at Felix encouragingly.

“Do you want it, Wash?” Felix asked, pushing a finger in. “...Well done, Wash. You're taking this well.”

Wash nodded, happy to be praised. Felix wiggled the finger around and fucked him leisurely with it, then stretched him with another finger.

“Felix...”

“Yeah?”

“I want you.” Wash declared, having decided that it was Felix's cock that he wanted, more than dragged out foreplay. He wiggled his body against those fingers, trying to prove a point.

“Say it, Wash, and _maybe_ I'll take you.”

“I want your cock, Felix.” Wash felt his cheeks burn as he summoned all of his courage to say it. “Please fuck me loose.”

Felix laughed, slapping him on the ass cheek lightly, and began to line up. “You're delicious, you know that, Washy?”

Wash inhaled deeply as Felix pressed against his hole, and pushed in without a hitch. He let out a moan – the way Felix's cock stretched him wide and made him feel full was simply amazing. He'd been dreaming of taking cock for ages – the fact that it was Felix made this so much easier.

“Stay still, Wash.” Felix commanded, pressing down on Wash's belly so that the other man knew not to move. “I want you to feel all of this.”

Wash looked up helplessly as Felix's hands gripped his hips. The first thrust hit him like an electrifying wave; he let out a gasp, and then stayed silent as Felix rocked his own hips. Felix's cock was angled such that it only brushed against that spot, but the way it filled him up made him feel like he was going into heat.

Cheeks now flushed from lust instead of embarrassment, Wash kept as still as he could while Felix began to fuck him hard and fast, no longer giving him the luxury of relaxing and getting used to it. He was beginning to understand what Felix meant when he said that he would “fuck him loose” – because it was as if his entire body was consumed by the hotness that was radiating from his lower body.

“No...” Wash moaned, louder and louder, trying to make Felix understand that he couldn't take that and not cum. He could feel the orgasm starting to build up from that place within him, while his cock bounced up and down to the rhythm of Felix's thrusts.

“No what? You like this.” Felix smirked, licking his lips. He slowed down, though, and tugged at the skin of Wash's balls with his fingers.

Wash whimpered. “I don't want to cum yet.”

“Oh? So good, Washy. I'm impressed.” Felix smiled. He stopped to caress Wash's inner thighs for a moment, squeezing them lightly before continuing to thrust without regard for whether or not Wash was going to cum.

Wash, on the other hand, was starting to get used to the pleasure; he felt like he could really control himself, even with his cock aching from being untouched and hard, like that. He wanted Felix to keep going – it felt good – amazing, actually – the way his body squeezed down whenever he thought he would lose it.

Felix snapped his hips and then stayed very still, as Wash's legs twitched from holding it in. He let out a relieved groan, and then pulled out. Wash watched, fascinated, as Felix smiled and slipped the condom off, tying it up to show him the mess that he'd made inside the rubber.

“Good job, Wash. You kept it in just for me, huh?”

Wash bit his lower lip, not wanting to admit that he'd only kept it in so that this would go on longer.

Felix stretched, seemingly in a good mood, and casually reached for the dildo. “Okay. Time to see just how loose you've become.”

Wash's eyes widened when he realized that Felix had reached for the larger one – he wasn't ready for that – but he didn't protest. Instead, he kept his legs spread and his head tilted as Felix lubed it up and pressed it against his hole.

“Does it hurt?” Felix asked, as he pushed the dildo in. “You know, it's not even my biggest. I've got way more.”

Wash gasped in pain as the head went inside him. Felix watched him, waiting for a while before pushing it in, slowly, dragging the agony out. Wash closed his eyes for a bit. _I don't want pain, but I_ need _it... Why?_

Wash wasn't a terribly big person. He knew that this didn't fit; it was probably hitting the curve inside him; the only things that prevented the pain from being sharp and excruciating was that he was relaxed and on his back, and that Felix had just gone to town with his ass.

He kept still, looking at Felix with trusting eyes. “...It does.”

“How bad?” Felix rubbed the ring of muscles around the dildo, making Wash moan.

“It's fine.” Wash replied, looking down at his own body curiously, like he often did when he masturbated; the effect of his own gaze somehow made him feel more comfortable with his own skin – it wasn't unpleasant to look at, and the sensations that it gave him made him feel like he could fry his mind with it. He wanted badly for it to do so, truth be told.

Felix smiled quietly, and pressed the vibrating wand against the underside of Wash's cocktip. The way the other man looked at him made him feel like his thoughts were transparent and that they were being read. “Does this feel good, Wash?”

Wash gasped uncontrollably. He lifted his hips and rolled it forward, flexing his entire lower body as he did so. It hurt so much more when he moved – he bit down on his lips and kept wiggling his hips, wanting the vibration to go faster, wanting Felix to press the wand against his frenulum harder. _Pain, with pleasure now. It makes everything feel better._ “Yes, Felix. It feels so good. I... need more.”

“Good.” Felix said, looking down at his body, at the way it was moving. “You know, Washy, I'd like to try something real kinky out. Nothing too dangerous, obviously, but I'm going to need you to cooperate. Do you trust me, Wash?”  
  
“I do–” Wash replied, without hesitation. It didn't matter why or how it came to be; he tried not to think too hard about this. It was dangerous to trust, but even more dangerous to battle his own mind. He just wanted to enjoy himself, and he would trust Felix if it meant he could finally have the peace of mind to do so.

“You sure? Will you do anything I say?”

“I trust you, Felix. I'll do anything.” He begged, earnestly. “Anything you want.”

“Good.” Felix leaned in, and whispered into his ear. “You know what I want? I want you, Wash, to pretend now for a moment that you don't want this. Pretend, Wash, that you're being fucked by somebody else – that I'm not Felix. Pretend that I don't give a shit about your pleasure, or your pain.”

Wash's eyes widened, as he transported himself into the state that Felix wanted him to. Everything in his view became blurrier, and he moaned louder now, wiggling his hips, trying to get away from the dildo and the vibrator– trying to escape. His hands flexed involuntarily as the rope held him in place. It was futile. He felt powerless. _Why does this feel... so good?_

“You're so slutty, Wash.” Felix taunted, his eyes glinting maliciously. “Look, your ass is sucking it in.”

“I'm not...! Let me go!” Wash groaned, tears prickling his eyes. Hearing Felix's voice made it feel real. “It hurts. Please.”

“Listen, _slut_ , if you want this to end son, you'll have to work for it.” Felix said, looking down coldly. “Move your hips more, Washy, and maybe I'll let you go.”

Wash tilted his head to the side, not wanting to look at Felix or himself anymore. As he rocked his hips, he could imagine his thighs flexing – his body must look so slutty, he thought, with his legs spread wide and his ass clenching down on the dildo. His hole felt like a mess – like it was being fucked raw with each movement. He bit his lower lip and tried to keep himself from moaning aloud.

“There's no point in trying to hide it, Washy.” Felix began to move the dildo again.

The pleasure, however, grew too intense. When Felix pushed in the dildo till it hurt just so, Wash lost control and let out a pained gasp. He panted, looking back at Felix helplessly; the look in his eyes must have enticed Felix.

The other man stopped pushing the dildo in; seemingly satisfied that the dildo seemed to be keeping in place for the moment, he let go, took Wash's cock in that hand and began to pump it – hard – while the other hand increased the speed of the vibrations such that Wash's entire lower body could feel it, from his cock to the dildo inside his ass. Wash shook, lowering his hips as he tried to push the dildo out. The base of the dildo pressed against the sheets and the girth against his prostrate, pushing him over the edge.

Wash's mind went blank. The fullness inside him, pushing into his wet ass painfully, made him feel as if he was being punched in the most sensitive place – inside. It felt like he was going to get bruised in places that shouldn't be getting pounded, like his flesh and blood were nothing but meat for the perpetrator to use. It hurt. It shouldn't feel good. But with the vibrations, and with Felix's hand jerking him off–

“Ahh! Stop... Nooo!” Wash came, harder and faster than he'd ever think he would.

Felix pumped Wash's cock through his orgasm, watching in amazement as Wash lifted his hips involuntarily, pushing the dildo out of his body. It landed on the bed with a quiet thud, the sound of silicone almost the width of four fingers slapping against the sheets.

There was blood on the dildo – blood like Wash had never seen before, marbling on the texture of the silicone.

Wash's mind was blank; he didn't know what to think. He looked at Felix, cheeks burning, chest still heaving. _Shit... That was why it hurt. I hope I didn't go too far this time –_

“How was it?” Felix asked, this time, gentler now. He turned off the wand and set it aside, hand still stroking Wash's sensitive, yet softening, cock lightly.

The light pleasure somehow made it better, even though Wash had just came. He blinked, wondering what Felix wanted him to say.

“Look, Wash.” Felix took a photo, looked at his phone, and showed it to him. “Don't worry, I'll delete this if you want.”

“That's fine.” Seeing the cum on his belly and the look of complete ecstasy on his face, Wash's cheeks flushed red, and he wanted to curl up into a ball and disappear. He had, so wantonly, enjoyed himself to something that had haunted him. It didn't even matter that it hurt, because he'd done it on his own will. He should have told Felix no, but he didn't. He welcomed the pain.

Seeing himself through Felix's perspective, however, made him feel like there was a partner-in-crime, like he wasn't so alone.

“Okay, I'd better untie you now.” Felix said, looking at Wash's hands. He raked his eyes over Wash's body for a long while, taking his time to take in the sight of Wash lying helpless beneath him. “Here. Wiggle your fingers.”

Wash did as he was told, and soon, his hands were free.

Felix had a smile on his face that seemed to say that he was satisfied with whatever had transpired, but Wash's head was still a mess from everything. “You alright?”

“I...” Wash looked at the dildo, wondering if Felix saw what he saw on it. He felt a little scared. “That hurt. There was a lot of blood.”

“Yes, Wash.” Felix nodded. He looked the dildo once over, and gave it a lick, even though it was just inside Wash's ass and covered in bright red blood. “You could get an infection and die from this, so we'd better clean it up properly. Come with me.”

Wash nodded, lower lip trembling and upper lip curled. When he stepped into the bathroom, he saw that the man in the mirror was a wreck; he looked tired and broken, and absolutely miserable. He quickly turned away from the image, and tried to look at Felix's face to give himself some idea of normality.  
  
Felix kissed him on the cheek as he held the shower head, testing the water. Steam came up into the shower, and, as Wash bent over for the shower head, he covered his mouth. Felix spread his asshole and pushed in with his fingers – Wash felt good there; his asshole was still tender and sensitive in a nice way. But, as the water sprayed inside, it stung – he didn't feel anything else; there was a slight, dull ache inside, but it didn't feel too bad. He'd had worse.

“I like watching you,” Felix declared, as he aimed the water elsewhere. He squeezed Wash's ass cheeks and fondled his balls lightly, before smacking him lightly. “Come, push out the water and stand up straight.”

Wash gasped lightly as the water forced its way out of his hole – he felt like it was still loose, so he reached behind and touched it, to see the extent of the injury. It was, surprisingly, holding up pretty well; his asshole had tightened up again, even though it was still sensitive, and he clenched down to see if he still had control over those muscles.

He did. It hurt somewhere in his guts, and he was raw on the inside, but it seemed like his body wasn't damaged... _Probably._

“Still want more?” Felix asked, leering.

“Not now.” Wash mumbled. He shut his mouth as he felt a sudden spasm of pain inside. _...Fuck, if this continues, I'll have to see a doctor. What can I do now? Better sit down._

Felix shrugged, got the loofah and the soap, and began to soap Wash up. Wash relaxed; it was rare that anybody had stepped into the shower with him, much less help him be clean again. He usually had to do it himself – and the act of cleaning was always accompanied with a sense of shame.

Shame that was now bearable with Felix being there, for him, helping him wash his filth away.

After rinsing the both of them off and letting the dildo soak in the sink, Felix tossed a blanket over Wash's shoulders and wiped himself dry with some towel he'd found off the rack. _That's my face towel,_ Wash thought, smiling at the gesture anyway. _Doesn't matter._

“Would you do this again?” Felix asked, looking at Wash from the corner of his eyes. “It's amazing, right? I mean, shit, the first time it happened to me I thought I was going to die from masturbating. Turns out, the body heals so quickly, it's great.”

“...I've done this before, too,” Wash blurted out, looking down at his own hands, rope marks on his wrists fading. “...Not with anybody, but when I do it myself, I – I can't get off without... pretending that I'm being...” He knew what it was, but didn't want to use the word. “...Taken by force. And the pain, it made it real.”  
  
That came out more vulnerable than he'd intended; the moment after he shut his mouth stretched on for an eternity. _Say something, Felix. Please._

Felix looked at Wash sympathetically, like he understood what it was like for Wash; like he didn't mind that Wash's mind was irrevocably fucked up and the insides of his head were nothing but contradictory, sinful, _wrong_ entanglements.

He asked, in the tone of a counselor, “Do you remember when this started? Like, I know some people just have fantasies like that, _not that it's any of my business_ , but _you_ seem to have deeper reasons.”  
  
“I... don't remember much. I know I was touched inappropriately by another boy my couple of years older when I was young. He was a bully, and I couldn't fight him off. Had my revenge, though. And...” Wash fell quiet, and suddenly, remembered another event. He remembered being pinned down, in vivid detail – he remembered fighting, to no avail. He was starting to remember their sneering faces when he looked up, helplessly, and said, “I don't want to remember anymore.”

“It's fine, Wash.” Felix said. He rested against Wash's shoulder and kissed the freckles on it. “It's the past now. You're here now, and I'm with you.”

“It's... not weird?” Wash's eyes filled up again. He wished they didn't; he didn't want to cry. He wanted to be numb and not feel a single thing again, and to not remember anything. Instead, he continued, softly, “I think I'm broken, Felix. I'm broken by so many things... But I don't know if I can remember a time when I was whole. Maybe these things happened to me because I'm broken from the very start.”

Felix reached for the edge of the blanket and tucked Wash in properly, like he was suddenly a small boy to be taken care of. He pressed against Wash, his body warm, and held him gently. “Hey, Wash. I was the one who suggested it, alright? If you're fucked up, then what does that make me?”

“What do you mean?” Wash asked, curious.

“Well, I mean, I kinda had an idea the first night we were together, y'know?” Felix replied, slowly, like he was trying not to say anything too brash. “I know a bit about people, how they work. You have issues, and you don't want to get fucked because of them. I knew that from the way you tensed up – it's not so difficult to read people when you know what to look out for. The difference now is that you're with someone you trust, and... I'll be here no matter what, because you have something I want, and I have something you need.”

“You were trying to get close to me because you wanted this.” Wash gulped.

“Well, it's not like a big elaborate plan or anything, and I didn't think we'd actually end up doing this much. But _you know,_ that's one way to put it.” Felix laughed, like Wash's realization was nothing to him. “That's why I asked you if you trust me, Wash– I found the center in you, and you trusted me with it. I'll help you, Wash. There's nothing wrong with that, if you ask me. Just two adults doing their thing, safe, sane and consensual.”

 

Wash shook his head lightly, suddenly feeling worse. “...You'll leave when Locus and you decide to get serious.”

“...You think so?” Felix looked at Wash, grimly. “I can't leave you, Wash.”  
  
_Is that a hint of sadness in his eyes?_ Wash wondered if he was just seeing whatever he wanted to see. “Why not?”

Felix ignored his question then. “Tell me, what's the difference between a human and a monster, Wash?”

“...” Wash looked at Felix, wondering why the sudden change in topic. “A human is somebody with morals. A monster has none.”

“What if I told you that all monsters are humans?” Felix asked.

 _I would be scared of you,_ Wash thought. His heart felt like there were a billion knots inside, tangled together. “What do you mean by that?”

“I mean,” Felix explained, “Whoever did that to you was a monster. They didn't ask for your permission, they just took you as they liked. It's like if somebody shot you, or punched you, or tried to kill you. If they did it, you'd probably say 'That's fucked up', right? It's the same thing for what happened to you. But that's humans for you, Wash. _Humans_ are _monsters_.”

“You say it like you're not human.” Wash pointed out the obvious.

Felix chuckled, and used that tone which was supposed to sound convincing and harmless. “I'm not so bad, alright? I didn't _rape_ you. And you – the fact that you only ever thought of doing _that_ to yourself is proof that _you're_ not so bad, either. _We're_ the good ones, Wash.”

Wash twitched when he heard the word. It always made him feel terrible. He did, however, believe in Felix. At least, he wanted to.

“Then what are we? What am I?” Wash's question came out with a sudden urgency that he himself didn't understand. “I was hurt, but I can't heal. If I could, I would've long ago. I don't feel human anymore.”

“...You're not a monster, that's for sure.” Felix smiled. He ruffled Wash's hair, and leaned in to kiss him on the lips, full and tantalizing. “You're too pretty to be one. Or handsome, whichever floats your boat.”

“...How I look isn't relevant, Felix.”

Felix continued to touch him gently and firmly, resting a hand on the small of his back. Wash wanted to be comforted by that gesture – instead, he felt worse.

“I feel ugly. Like I'm broken inside, and you could see it. I shouldn't have joined the army, if I'd known it would come back to haunt me. If I didn't, then maybe I won't think I deserve all of that. I hide it, though – whatever it takes to survive.” Wash admitted. He was glad that he wasn't going to cry anymore, but he wished, then, that the ache inside his soul would just stop. “Even if I'm not a monster, I don't have what it takes to be a human anymore.”

Felix didn't say anything. Instead, he continued to stroke Wash and to kiss him, until Wash relaxed and started to kiss back. The wordlessness and the lack of judgment reminded Wash a little of his old flames, the tactile sensation summoning ghosts from the past like whispers in the wind. They had been kind to him, too – and somehow it made him feel like he didn't need to fight himself so hard anymore.

Wash felt small and fragile, but there was warmth and gentility in the world.

It felt okay to be vulnerable.

Both of them held each other like they were the only people on earth, as if they were the only people in the world who would hurt and heal one another.

*

 

**Author's Note:**

> Does anybody even read this? Anyway, Felix acts slightly differently from how I usually characterise him because it's the AU. As in, he's not really that trashy towards wash, but also, he's kinda trashy. It's a plot thing.


End file.
